Woman Asunder

There is a joke in the U.S. television show ‘New Girl’ that goes something like this:

There are only seven types of stories–

1. Man versus Man
2. Man versus Dog
3. Dog versus Zombie
4. James Bond
5. Stories of kings and lords
6. Women over 50 finding themselves after divorce
7. Car commerials

This joke plays on the writing concept that when it comes to story-telling, there are really only seven basic plots (rags to riches, overcoming the monster, quests, etc). As with many good jokes, this one works because it’s both absurd (these are clearly not the real ones), and because it holds some truth (i.e. poking fun at the number of bestsellers all focused on women finding themselves after divorce).

This is a joke I have thought about often whenever I sit down to write and think: “Ok, just write what you know.” What if ‘what I know’ right now is what it feels like to go through a divorce?

No one is asking for another story about a middle-aged woman coping with divorce. It’s well tread territory. [I actually wrote several paragraphs musing about whether or not ideas can be original, the point of making art, etc. – but I’ve decided to spare you.] I doubt I have anything new or profound to say on the subject of divorce. Does that mean that I shouldn’t write it?

Or, is it actually more like what my exceedingly optimistic best friend said when I told her we couldn’t start a true crime podcast because there are too many already: “That just shows you that there’s a market for it.”

Thousands of people get divorced in the U.S. each year. Divorce is common. Normal, even. All of the emotions I am feeling have been felt by others working through similar situations. I should probably just find comfort in that. I am not alone. There are countless examples of other people getting through this, and even thriving on the other side.

I also know that each person’s story is unique, and that my pain isn’t lessened simply because it’s a common type of pain that millions of others have felt. If writing helps me process and heal – then of course I should write about this season of my life. Journaling is a recommended tool for processing big life transitions. But journaling is meant to be private, and here I am writing a public blog post instead. Why?

I’ve never been able to consistently journal. There’s just something about writing for an audience, even just the possibility of an audience, that motivates me. There’s something about knowing I can edit my words until they perfectly capture what I am feeling that has me coming back to them. There’s something about knowing my feelings are preserved and that someday someone might read them and understand, that makes me feel less alone.

That is my reasoning for hitting publish on these very words.

Maybe the reason it doesn’t matter that no one asked for this story, is exactly because no one ever asks for this story. It is not a story you choose for yourself, but one that you find yourself in. Maybe we all need to keep sharing, writing, and talking about divorce, because there will always be people experiencing it for the first time, and needing to share the experience with others.

I never wanted divorce to be part of my story, but here I am barreling towards it. So I guess the question I am asking myself now is: How do I make it a chapter, and not the title of my book?